Many of us will know someone who is caring for a friend or family member this Christmas. They are always thinking of someone else, so what can you do to think of them and make their Christmas more enjoyable?
Here’s our wish list of gifts you can give to the carers in your life:
The Gift of Listening
When it feels like everyone else is having a great time out socialising, it can feel even harder and more lonely to be stuck at home. Take the time to regularly check in with carers, whether it’s by a quick Whatsapp or a phone call. Give them a ‘safe space’ to talk and perhaps vent if they need to, and ask them questions to help them feel you really want to hear what they need to talk about. People can feel guilty about having a moan when it seems everyone else is in the festive spirit but their concerns are just as valid during the Christmas season as at any other time. Christmas can also bring increased worries about finances and practical costs like heating – the everyday things can remain just as pressing. Take your lead from the carer about how much time they have available to be in touch and when, but make sure they know you are there for whatever they need. Sometimes just knowing someone is there for you makes all the difference, even if they don’t have time to talk or to respond to messages.
The Gift of Time
At Christmas it’s natural to want to catch up with lots of friends and family and to share some festive spirit, and it can be disappointing to miss people. But carers simply may not have the time to spare or the energy to even catch up over a coffee, let alone go partying. But make the offer, invite them along and be flexible around what the carer can do – if anything. It’s always lovely to know that people want your company and that they will keep offering their time, so don’t give up if the carer in your life often has to say no or cancel at the last minute. They may only have a short window of time, so see if you can adapt to them to make the most of it. Quality over quantity! If they can’t come out, can you go to them armed with treats, so that no effort is required from them? Or is there something practical that you can do together to share the load while you catch up?
The Gift of Practical Help
There are so many extra tasks around the festive season – shopping for presents, wrapping gifts and writing cards, cooking Christmas dinner, and decorating the house. It’s hard enough to fit it all in when you aren’t caring for someone else. Think about what you can do for a carer to make life easier. Could you offer to cook some food and drop it off, clean the house or wrap presents? After Christmas, could you help to take down the tree and decorations? It’s always good to check that what you are offering is genuinely helpful, so ask what job is most worrying the carer and see how and when you can help with it.
The Gift of Patience
Carers may not be able to respond or get involved when you want them to – but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to. Remember the many pressures and tasks they have and how difficult it can be for them to have a moment to themselves. Make sure they know you are always there for them, whenever they are able to get in touch, and that you are not going anywhere. The security of knowing you have people who will be delighted to hear from you whenever you can manage it is reassuring and comforting. Be ready to make good on that offer of help or a listening ear whenever it is needed, not just when you offer it, and it will be hugely appreciated.
The Gift of Appreciation
When you are caring behind closed doors, it is easy to feel that your efforts are taken for granted and no-one knows or understands how hard you are working. Carers have to be emotionally strong, resourceful, patient and organised – often on very limited sleep and with many other calls on their time. Make sure you tell the carer in your life how absolutely amazing they are! Tell them that you see the immense effort they continually give and you recognise the positive impact they have on the person they care for. And keep telling them all year round, and keep asking what you can do to help.
Your New Year’s Resolution
Finally, why not make a pledge to help the unpaid carer in your life all year round?
We’re sure whatever you can do will be appreciated, so why not make a choice to give some of your time. It’s best to ask what would be helpful but some ideas include:
• Phone the cared-for person for a chat – this will occupy them and free up the carer’s time and it give them something different to look forward to
• If you are baking or cooking, make some extra to share. It’s always great to have fresh food to enjoy when you are short on time
• Check if they need anything dropped off when you are shopping
• If they have pets, offer to walk the dog or clean out the rabbit hutch
• Offer to mow the lawn or do some gardening, so they can enjoy any snatches of time they get to sit out there
• Collect prescriptions so that they never have to worry about running out of vital medication
• Do the washing or ironing
