By David Annand – Crossroads Care Surrey’s Corporate & Community Relationship Officer
They say before you make judgement, you should walk a mile in their shoes. So, to get to know what being a Carer Support Worker was truly like, I decided to do just that and accompany Sue, a Crossroads Carer Surrey Support Worker, on one of her client visits.
On meeting Sue for the very first time, I discover she has been working in the care sector on and off for the best part of 30 years. Before joining Crossroads Care Surrey, she had worked in domiciliary care but during that time she met a Crossroads Care Surrey Support Worker and decided to make the switch and join Crossroads herself. That was seven years ago. Her motivation for changing was quite simple. Sue wanted to be able to spend more quality time with her clients and by providing respite care, the role at Crossroads enabled her to do just that.
It’s 9.30am on a cold January morning when we meet outside of her clients’ house. Her clients are husband and wife, Phillip and Mary. Sue has been supporting them for just over a year and the respect, understanding and trust between the three of them was evident to see from the very outset. As we entered the sitting room, where Phillip was sat, his face lit up on seeing Sue. Familiarity is the bedrock of their relationship.
Sue’s three and a half hour visit today is structured around caring for Phillip (the cared for) whilst Mary (the unpaid carer) has some respite time to herself away from caring for Phillip. Whilst Mary is going out later today, Sue is taking Phillip out, firstly for a haircut at a local barbers and then onto a local garden centre for coffee.
Whilst Sue prepares Phillip for his outing, which begins with a wet shave, I take the opportunity to chat with Mary about Phillip, her, their life, caring and how Sue supports them.
Mary, who is 81 years of age, married Phillip (86) in 1964. They have two sons, one daughter and one grandson. Their photos are displayed on tables near to where we sit. Phillip was a draughtsman by profession, a Middlesborough FC supporter from childhood and a keen golfer. All useful things for me to know for when I try to engage with Phillip later.
Mary has been caring for Phillip for the last 12 years after he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and for the last 10 years, after two separate traumas, Phillip was then additionally diagnosed with Parkinson’s dementia. For Phillip, and for Mary, the dementia is the hardest to live and cope with.
As just the two of us are sat chatting, Mary told me that caring for Phillip was both tiring and difficult for her. Even in her dreams she told me she was on constant alert for Phillip. As we drank tea I noticed that she herself had supportive strapping on both wrists and signs of arthritis in both hands.
Having been supported by Crossroads Care Surrey for a couple of years I asked Mary what three words best describe what we do for her. She thought for a short while and said “Keeps me sane”. She went on to say that our respite care allows her the freedom to attend such things as arts society events and U3A. She is still able to take part and enjoy the things that interest her.
At this point Sue and Phillip re-join us. With Phillip freshly shaved and both with their coats on, we are ready to head to the local barbers. As Sue helps Phillip into her car, what strikes me most is not just the physical care that Sue provides Phillip but also the continuous attention and communication with him to ensure he knows what is happening so that he is comfortable, compliant and content with her suggestions and guidance.
When at the barbers and Phillip is safely seated having his haircut, I took the opportunity to ask Sue about how she feels about the important role she plays in Phillip and Mary’s life. With great feeling, emotion and remarkable openness, Sue explained “care work has helped me move on with my own life after experiencing a personal tragedy, and part of that moving on process, by caring for others, I get satisfaction and joy out of making a positive difference to the lives of others”.
From my own experience I tend to find that those who have experienced, suffered and come to terms with a most challenging illness to either themselves or a close family member are often those who have the real empathy required to support another through their own darkest and most difficult times. Sue is undoubtedly one of those special people.
With his hair cut, we head towards the local Squires garden centre. Sue brings Phillip here every week for about an hour where they chat in the café bar over a cup of coffee. The location and table they choose is always carefully selected by Sue as somewhere with enough activity going on but not to the extent it could overwhelm Phillip. The care and attention Sue pays Phillip is again clearly evident for all to see, from helping him in and out of the car, guiding him to the café bar, ordering his favourite coffee and chatting to him about his favourite interests. Everything is centred around making Phillip comfortable in each and every moment, both in action and by word.
As I try to engage with Phillip about his hobbies, I can see from his face he understands but finds it extremely difficult to verbalise a reply. For me, watching and observing, it’s like a lightbulb being switched on and then quickly going out. Sue, with her caring ability and training , is much more skilled at being able to keep the light shining for longer.
Knowing that we were visiting Squires today, I brought along £25 worth of vouchers recently donated by Squires so that Sue and Phillip could make use of them. It was decided that they would use the vouchers to buy Mary some flowers for her forthcoming birthday. (Thank you Squires).
Finishing our coffees, we head back to Phillip and Mary’s house where Sue prepares a sandwich lunch for both Phillip and Mary for when she arrives back from her own carer respite outing.
Whilst Phillip and Mary enjoy their lunch, Sue completes her notes from this morning’s call and once finished we all leave together. Mary and Phillip are heading off together to a Parkinson’s Pilates class for Phillip. But before Sue leaves to visit her next client I ask her to quickly describe what working for Crossroads Care Surrey is like in 3 words. “Supportive, fair, and enjoyable” she said as she waves me goodbye.
I’m left in wonder and amazement in the way that Sue supports Mary and Phillip. It leaves me with such positive emotions of joy and gratitude that there are people like Sue who give so much of themselves to support the health and well-being of others in need.
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